Before I had children, I was never diligent in attending Church nor showing any interest in anything religious. I was always a believer in Christ. I never faltered in my belief but I was never-in-your-face-lets-tell-the-whole-world-about-it either. Funny how much having kids changes you. The one thing that I always wanted to do when i had kids was to teach them about God. Despite my faults, flaws and lack of desire to attend church, I made it a priority to take them to Sunday school every week. That is where they can learn that if mommy and daddy are not around, God is there to protect them. If they are scared, they can pray to God. If they feel helpless and alone, they can rely on God. If nothing else, I wanted them to believe in the real God and that they have nothing to fear. The world is a scary place and as my children continue to grow, I can only shelter them for so long…
I don’t normally share intimate details of my life but what happened today was so mind-blowing, i needed to blog about it.
Today was like any other morning except that i was sick as a dog but still had to tend to my two energetic little runts. I had to sum up every molecule of energy in me to get up and proceed with the day. As I glance around the house, there are toys sprawled out in the living room, dirty dishes left in the sink and last nights dinner left crusted on the kitchen floor. Despite the lack of energy, I took the kids out of the house and headed straight to the playground stopping to get a coffee to go. After letting them play for about an hour or so, it was time to go back home for lunch. Suddenly Aly (my first born) rushes over and exclaims, “Mommy, where is my small blanket?!” I check the stroller to see if she left it there and I don’t see anything. I ask her if she brought it with her and she nods her head fiercely. I tell her its not in the stroller and at that moment she goes into panic mode. Perhaps I shouldn’t have criticized her at that time by telling her its her fault for bringing something so valuable out to the public and that is just a good lesson that she learned. After all she is only 3 and her whole world just collapsed because she lost her beloved small blanky. But I was just too tired, too sick and too cranky as I was also trying to strap her screaming one year old sister back in the stroller to journey back home. “Thats too bad Aly, lets go home” I told her. My three year old broke down in tears. Sobbing. I immediately felt terrible. After all, she’s had that blanky since she was born and although it might not be a good thing for kids to be attached to an object, it wasn’t the time to justify or explain such things to her. I picked her up and and said, “Aly, do you want to pray to God to help you find your blanky?” She nodded with tears still dripping down her face. I asked her to repeat the following,
Please help me find my small blanky. I love it so much. I am sad I lost it. Please help me. In Jesus name I pray.
I could see her desperately muttering out the prayer. I felt a twinge of regret praying about it because after all, how on earth am I going to find it?? (Yes, ME. I didn’t actually think God would find this blanket that could have fallen anywhere in the street) In addition, the little faith that I built for her wrapped pretty in a box might be shattered once she realizes God can’t find her blanket.
Once we got home, I put the kids in the living room and proceeded to cook lunch.
“Mommy!” Aly shouts. “Wheres God?”
That threw me off as I had forgotten about our little prayer.
“Oh, are you still looking for your blanky?”
“Yes, Mommy. Blanky not here. God is not here.”
A wave of sadness overcame me as I tried to explain to Aly that maybe she has to say goodbye to her blanky.
“You said God will find it for me” she said.
Err i did… didn’t I. Crap. What do I do.
At this moment, I thought to myself, I have no faith. At all. And I am trying to teach my daughter to have faith when even I don’t believe it.
Now this sounds really crazy, but a voice maybe my conscience or my train of thought says, “Have a little bit of faith. Don’t be skeptical and call the coffee shop”. It was so ridiculous but I called the coffee shop thinking of course they won’t have it but whatever I’ll just call anyway.
“Hello, umm so sorry to ask you a random question, but do you happen to have an old looking kids blanket……”
The lady cut me off and said, “with stars on it and its white?”
OH MY GOOSEBERRYMOTHAF***ing GUMDROPS.
“WHAT?!” I exclaimed. “Yes, yes, yes that one!!!”
I can’t believe it. Honestly, you can’t make this sh*t up. I found Alys blanky… no, God really did find my daughters blanket. It could have been anywhere lost forever but we found it. I arranged to come and pick it up and thanked them for holding on to it.
I quietly went to Aly and said, “Aly if you pray again one more time and ask God, maybe he will find the blanky for you!”
Anyway, and the rest is history…
Life can get so overwhelming sometimes, but when little things like this happen, it makes you want to cast all your sorrows, stresses and burdens to God and let him take care of it. Its not, “Have Faith Little One,” This time its, “Mommy, Have Faith”
Thanks for reading,